Parenting Blog

Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything,
that's how the light gets in.
~ Leonard Cohen

Imagine that guilt is like a red light blinking on your dashboard.  When you see it, you:

a) Redouble your efforts to attain perfection, even if it’s giving you a headache.

b) Flog yourself.

c) Pull out the wire so it stops blinking, and go have a drink.

d) Thank the guilt and tell it to take a break.  Then use the opportunity to check in: What could you do differently to be the parent you want your kids to have, while at the same time being kind to yourself?

Not surprisingly, research shows that (d) works best, particularly when you give yourself a pat on the back and accept that you're doing the best you can at the moment.

Do you think trying to be perfect makes you a better person?  If you pay attention, you'll see your quest for perfection isn't good for your family.  If we’re always scanning for what’s not quite perfect, we're not giving ourselves unconditional love, which means we can't give it to our kids, either.

But once we accept that "I'm not ok, and you're not ok, but that's ok!"  we’re more loving & compassionate, more forgiving of our own and others’ humanity.  Better parents, and happier people.

So just say no to the Perfect Parent Myth and lose the guilt.  Serve peanut butter sandwiches for dinner tonight.  Spend all day Sunday in pajamas with your kids.  Skip the PTA meeting.  Give yourself permission to make mistakes and say the wrong thing to your child sometimes.  (It’ll happen whether you give yourself permission or not!)  That’s what course-correction is for.  Learn to apologize, and learn from your mistakes.

You’ll be surprised how much more perfect your kids think you are.