Parenting Blog

“Before the plane takes off, the pilots have a flight plan…but during the course of the flight, wind, rain, turbulence, air traffic, human error, and other factors act on that plane…90% of the time the plane is not even on the prescribed flight path...During the flight, the pilots make constant adjustments to get back on track. The flight of that airplane is the perfect metaphor for family life…it doesn’t make any difference if we are off target or even if our family is a mess. The hope lies in the vision and in the plan and in the courage to keep coming back time and time again.” – Stephen Covey

You may have noticed that you aren’t perfect. That sometimes you aren’t the parent or the person you want to be. Welcome to humanity.  Sometimes you blow it.  We all do.

The bad news is that even if we’re committed to showing up with love for ourselves and others, life happens. We get disconnected -- from our spouse, our child, our own deepest guidance. There’s no magic that keeps us on the right path. In fact, all relationships are a constant series of connections and disconnections, missteps and course corrections.

The good news is that the journey of our life is woven from the individual steps we take every single day. The faster we notice those actions that are taking us in the wrong direction, the easier it is to course correct.

The even better news is that our sincere course corrections actually strengthen our relationships. Every time you re-connect with your baby or child, you teach trust. Every time you choose love over anger, you role model forgiving yourself and others. Every time you reach across a divide between you and your loved one, you testify to the boundlessness of your love, your commitment that "There ain't no river wide enough" to keep your love from getting through.

So don't worry about having been on the wrong path. Start where you are, and course correct. How?

1. When you make a mistake. Join the club! Greet it as an opportunity to learn and change, rather than beat yourself up. You'll find it's a lot easier to stick to your plan to do better when you let go of the tears and recriminations and focus instead on forgiving yourself. Like our kids, we do better when we feel better.

2. When you don't know how to get through to your kid.  Consider that he may be feeling disconnected from you. That's often the source of kids' misbehavior.  Before you worry about correcting his behavior, find a way to reconnect.  Appreciate something very specific about his behavior. Do something nice for him. Play with him, focusing all your attention. Seize every chance to snuggle, listen and empathize.

3. When you need to help your child course correct.  It's completely possible to deepen your connection with your child while helping her course-correct.  In fact, that's what inspired parenting is all about.  Misbehavior is your child's way of signaling that she needs your help. That's why conventional discipline doesn't produce emotionally healthy kids who are naturally considerate and responsible -- because it weakens the parent-child bond. The secret? Set all limits with empathy.

4. When you don't like the path you're on. There's no reason to keep going in a direction that's taking you away from your desired destination. Luckily, when we change, the world around us somehow transforms too. Start by making sure your cup is full, so you have the inner resources to show up as your best self. Then, whenever you notice a misstep, just stop.  Breathe, say thank you for the awareness, and change course. Two steps forward and one step back still takes you where you want to go.  Pretty soon, you'll find yourself in a whole new landscape.