Parenting Blog

"Ten minutes of play up front will save you a half hour of nagging on the back end...Play can be the long-sought bridge back to that deep emotional bond between parent and child." -- Dr. Lawrence Cohen

Have things been tense around your house lately?  Wondering how to interrupt the cycle of whining, dawdling, nagging, yelling? Tired of working so hard to stay patient when you're exhausted? Want an easy way to lift the mood and reconnect with your kid?

Parenting isn't supposed to be so hard.  And when everyone in a family feels good about themselves and close to each other, it isn't. But all families get off track sometimes. The answer is to stop working so hard, and start playing! There's nothing like play to ease tension and create closeness.  How?

1. Get goofy and get the giggles going. Young children love the incongruity of funny voices.  And they're still learning to manage their own bodies, so they find it hilarious when grownups fall down. Giggling is as good as crying to let off tension -- and lots more fun! (The only caveat -- don't tickle kids unless they ask you, and then keep it mild. Tickling may produce involuntary giggles, but it creates a sense of physical powerlessness you don't want to force on your child.)

2. Get your energy going with a chase game. Chase your child but bumble so much you can't catch him, or catch him briefly but let him get away. Emphasize your incompetence by loudly announcing your prowess:  "I'm a superhero.  Nobody gets away from me!" -- then trip and fall down!  Or let your child chase you, and allow yourself to be easily caught as you brag. Kids feel small, incompetent and powerless much of the time. Turning the tables helps them release anxiety and feel better about themselves.

3. Defuse aggression with a pillow fight. Toddler hitting you or the baby?  Preschooler whacking playmates?  Siblings squabbling? Teenager ignoring you? The answer is mock aggression in the form of a pillow fight. Show your teen you can still have fun together by dumping pillows on her head (gently) as you issue a pillow-dueling challenge. Get the kids to bond by teaming up against you. Let your preschooler experiment with aggression by hitting the pillow while you hold it up in front of you. Help your toddler feel powerful by clobbering you with the pillow while you try to escape, howling in mock terror.  End the pillow fight by submitting (with loud protest) to your child's powerful pillow-fighting skills and collapsing together for big hugs and snuggles.

After fifteen minutes of play, you'll be amazed how your child cooperates for the rest of the evening.  And how much sweeter parenting feels to you.