Parenting Blog

"The most important parenting skill is effective communication. If you can effectively communicate with your child, you can move mountains -- or at least get them to clean their room on a regular basis."
-- Denise Witmer

It's no surprise that kids often feel rebellious toward their parents. Research shows the average parent gives hundreds of orders every day, most in a negative tone.  How would you react to that?

To get your child cooperating, try giving fewer orders and remove the negative judgments that trigger resistance.  Instead, try to keep it calm and kind. Offer observations. Ask questions. Give choices. State the house rule. Help your child take responsibility to solve the problem, with your support.
 
 Instead of:                                                                       Try:
 
 "Leave the cat alone!"  ..... "I notice the cat runs away when you pull her tail."
 "Clean up those toys." ....."Do you want to clean up your toys now or after lunch?"
 "Brush your teeth."  ......."What do you need to do before you leave for school?"
 "Go take your bath." ........ "It's bath time. Want to go now or in 5 minutes?"
 "Empty the dishwasher."....."I need your help--Would you empty the dishwasher please? "
 "Finish your homework first."....."The rule is, we finish homework before we play."
"Stop squabbling this instant!"..... "I see two kids and only one toy. How will you work this out?"

Of course, if it really is an order, and it's non-negotiable, just say it, without blame, and with empathy for the child's feelings:  "You're mad, but we don't hit.  Let's tell your brother how mad you are that he knocked over your tower. And then can we all repair it together?"

Your child will hear the difference.  And you'll see a world of difference in the response.