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It’s hard for kids not to get greedy at the holidays. They need us to model that December is about presence, not presents.
Did you know that giving actually activates an area of in our brains that gives us physical pleasure? Our job as parents is to help our kids discover that joy. How?
1. Brainstorm with your kids a “Wish List” of all the ways they’d like to make the world a better place. Then let each person in the family choose one thing your family will do to address one of those issues. For instance, you might make a donation to a charity, plan to volunteer at a soup kitchen together, and make a commitment to reduce your carbon emissions by buying more efficient light bulbs.
2. Model generosity. Give to the panhandler, bake pies for the firefighters have to work on the holiday, donate to a worthy cause in honor of every birthday. Make giving a part of your daily life.
3. Don’t force kids to share before they’re ready. And don’t force your kids to give things up “because others are needy.” Giving shouldn’t be painful.
And what are you doing today to fill your own cup with love and joy?
"How you spend your money is your vote on what exists in the world."
-- Dave Wampler, Simple Living Network
Did you know that giving actually activates an area of in our brains that gives us physical pleasure? Our job as parents is to help our kids discover that joy. How?
1. Brainstorm with your kids a “Wish List” of all the ways they’d like to make the world a better place. Then let each person in the family choose one thing your family will do to address one of those issues. For instance, you might make a donation to a charity, plan to volunteer at a soup kitchen together, and make a commitment to reduce your carbon emissions by buying more efficient light bulbs.
2. Model generosity. Give to the panhandler, bake pies for the firefighters have to work on the holiday, donate to a worthy cause in honor of every birthday. Make giving a part of your daily life.
3. Don’t force kids to share before they’re ready. And don’t force your kids to give things up “because others are needy.” Giving shouldn’t be painful.
And what are you doing today to fill your own cup with love and joy?
"How you spend your money is your vote on what exists in the world."
-- Dave Wampler, Simple Living Network
As we move through December, are your children developing a case of the gimmees?
Commercialization doesn’t serve these sacred days, our wallets, or our children. Seasonal ads whip kids into a frenzy of desire that can only crash and burn. The first question at school in January is usually “What’ja get?”
But none of the holidays we observe in December has anything to do with purchasing things. Each is an opportunity to celebrate – the birth of the Savior, the Seven Principles of Kwanza, the return of the light with the Solstice, and the miracle of faith symbolized by the Chanukah lights.
Protective parenting means gently reminding kids of the real meaning of your holiday. How?
Celebrate your family by making an appreciation paper chain. On each link write an appreciation of someone else in the family: Dad makes the best pancakes, Michael shared his truck with me, Grandma has a beautiful laugh.
Tell kids any “gift” lists must include gifts they want to give someone else and gifts that involve you spending time doing something (inexpensive) with them as well as (limited) “bought” gifts.
Only give presents to children. For adults, make a donation in their name.
Make presents with your kids: big batches of playdough, brownie mix in a jar, bath salts or cookies. Remember, your goal is to delight your giftees with a token of affection, not to garner status points.
Talk as a family about a gift you want to give this year from your family to the world — maybe a donation, or serving together at a soup kitchen.
Take the focus off presents altogether. What your kids really want is your time. What can you do to spend more time connecting with each child today?
What are you doing today to fill your own cup with love and joy?
May your day be filled with blessings, large and small.
Dr. Laura Markham
"Do not care overly much for wealth, power, fame or things. Or one day you will meet someone who cares for none of these things, and realize how poor you have become."
-- Rudyard Kipling
Commercialization doesn’t serve these sacred days, our wallets, or our children. Seasonal ads whip kids into a frenzy of desire that can only crash and burn. The first question at school in January is usually “What’ja get?”
But none of the holidays we observe in December has anything to do with purchasing things. Each is an opportunity to celebrate – the birth of the Savior, the Seven Principles of Kwanza, the return of the light with the Solstice, and the miracle of faith symbolized by the Chanukah lights.
Protective parenting means gently reminding kids of the real meaning of your holiday. How?
Celebrate your family by making an appreciation paper chain. On each link write an appreciation of someone else in the family: Dad makes the best pancakes, Michael shared his truck with me, Grandma has a beautiful laugh.
Tell kids any “gift” lists must include gifts they want to give someone else and gifts that involve you spending time doing something (inexpensive) with them as well as (limited) “bought” gifts.
Only give presents to children. For adults, make a donation in their name.
Make presents with your kids: big batches of playdough, brownie mix in a jar, bath salts or cookies. Remember, your goal is to delight your giftees with a token of affection, not to garner status points.
Talk as a family about a gift you want to give this year from your family to the world — maybe a donation, or serving together at a soup kitchen.
Take the focus off presents altogether. What your kids really want is your time. What can you do to spend more time connecting with each child today?
What are you doing today to fill your own cup with love and joy?
May your day be filled with blessings, large and small.
Dr. Laura Markham
"Do not care overly much for wealth, power, fame or things. Or one day you will meet someone who cares for none of these things, and realize how poor you have become."
-- Rudyard Kipling
Happy December 12th.
Today’s reminder: Just say no to holiday events that don’t hold meaning for you.
We all have full lives the other eleven months of the year. Adding an elaborate December agenda can only send your household into a tailspin and your blood pressure through the roof. The guaranteed result is tantrums from the kids and tears for you.
There is a simple answer, if you’re willing to be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Decide what’s really important to you and just say No to everything else. If you want homemade presents, you probably won’t also have an orderly house.
What are you doing today to fill your own cup with love and joy?
May your day be filled with blessings, large and small.
Dr. Laura Markham
"Television advertisements for toys and games often exploit children's underlying needs and desires. Many commercials show a child playing with a game or toy with her parents. The message is clear to young children: Ask for this product and your mother and father will pay attention to you. It is an offer they cannot resist."
-- Lawrence Kutner
Today’s reminder: Just say no to holiday events that don’t hold meaning for you.
We all have full lives the other eleven months of the year. Adding an elaborate December agenda can only send your household into a tailspin and your blood pressure through the roof. The guaranteed result is tantrums from the kids and tears for you.
There is a simple answer, if you’re willing to be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Decide what’s really important to you and just say No to everything else. If you want homemade presents, you probably won’t also have an orderly house.
What are you doing today to fill your own cup with love and joy?
May your day be filled with blessings, large and small.
Dr. Laura Markham
"Television advertisements for toys and games often exploit children's underlying needs and desires. Many commercials show a child playing with a game or toy with her parents. The message is clear to young children: Ask for this product and your mother and father will pay attention to you. It is an offer they cannot resist."
-- Lawrence Kutner
Happy December 11th!
So how’s December working out for you?
If your answer was “GREAT!” you have my deepest admiration.
If not, remind yourself that it’s about connection, not consumption.
We all harbor the secret hope that our life will be transformed for the holidays. Somehow, our home will become worthy of a magazine spread. Our homemade gifts will be the envy of the neighborhood. Our children will be baking for the soup kitchen, starring in the holiday pageant, and never bickering. We, of course, will look and feel fabulous, basking in the warm glow of the season as we greet our guests.
It helps to make these fantasies conscious, so we can let go of them without guilt. Just remind yourself that your happy mood with your kids is so much more important your idealized vision of all you should “give” them – even the educational, values-laden experiences!
The more full you feel inside, body and soul, the less you’ll need to pursue the holiday frenzy. And the more you and your family will find yourselves making meaning, as well as making merry.
May your day be filled with blessings, large and small.
Dr. Laura Markham
"When you ask adults what they remember about the holidays when they were children, they'll usually tell you about the special time their family spent together. Only rarely will they tell you about the gifts. What your children really love is your presence, not your presents." -- Dr. Jerrold Lee Shapiro
So how’s December working out for you?
If your answer was “GREAT!” you have my deepest admiration.
If not, remind yourself that it’s about connection, not consumption.
We all harbor the secret hope that our life will be transformed for the holidays. Somehow, our home will become worthy of a magazine spread. Our homemade gifts will be the envy of the neighborhood. Our children will be baking for the soup kitchen, starring in the holiday pageant, and never bickering. We, of course, will look and feel fabulous, basking in the warm glow of the season as we greet our guests.
It helps to make these fantasies conscious, so we can let go of them without guilt. Just remind yourself that your happy mood with your kids is so much more important your idealized vision of all you should “give” them – even the educational, values-laden experiences!
- Cultivate enough-ness by nurturing yourself over the holidays:
- Go for long walks
- Take hot baths
- Work out at the gym
- Trade massages with your spouse or a friend
- Cook good wholesome food
The more full you feel inside, body and soul, the less you’ll need to pursue the holiday frenzy. And the more you and your family will find yourselves making meaning, as well as making merry.
May your day be filled with blessings, large and small.
Dr. Laura Markham
"When you ask adults what they remember about the holidays when they were children, they'll usually tell you about the special time their family spent together. Only rarely will they tell you about the gifts. What your children really love is your presence, not your presents." -- Dr. Jerrold Lee Shapiro
December 10, 2008
Good morning!
Did you make your list yesterday of all the ways to feed your heart and soul? Yes, on paper. If you didn’t please take a moment and begin it now. (On the computer is good, so you can always find it.) If you made your list yesterday please think of one thing to add to it and do that now.
Wondering how you’ll fit this into your busy life? That’s easy.
Give yourself a break. Drop something else from your list, at least until tomorrow.
I promise the world won’t fall apart.
Just say “Staying in touch with my own joy allows it to spill over to my kids.”
May your day be filled with blessings, large and small.
Dr. Laura Markham
"How you choose to respond each moment to the movie of life determines how you see the next frame, and the next, and eventually how you feel when the movie ends."
-- Doc Childre
Good morning!
Did you make your list yesterday of all the ways to feed your heart and soul? Yes, on paper. If you didn’t please take a moment and begin it now. (On the computer is good, so you can always find it.) If you made your list yesterday please think of one thing to add to it and do that now.
- Now, look at your list and pick at least one thing from your list to do today, one thing that will increase your joy and love quotient. Will you: Put on music and dance with your kids?
- Take a bath with candles after the kids go to bed?
- Go to sleep yourself as soon as the kids do so you get a great night’s sleep?
Wondering how you’ll fit this into your busy life? That’s easy.
Give yourself a break. Drop something else from your list, at least until tomorrow.
I promise the world won’t fall apart.
Just say “Staying in touch with my own joy allows it to spill over to my kids.”
May your day be filled with blessings, large and small.
Dr. Laura Markham
"How you choose to respond each moment to the movie of life determines how you see the next frame, and the next, and eventually how you feel when the movie ends."
-- Doc Childre
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