In her new book, The Feminine Mistake, Leslie Bennetts points out that women lose a shocking 37 percent of their earning power when they spend three or more years out of the workplace.

Her solution: we need good childcare, and mothers should keep working outside the home after a brief maternity leave. It's our financial responsibility to our kids, she reasons, pointing out that significant numbers of women are eventually left to raise their kids -- and pay the bills -- themselves, following divorce or a husband's death or disability.

I'm grateful to Bennetts for bringing these scary statistics to our attention.  I agree that we desperately need improved childcare options -- or, more accurately, quality early education options -- especially for older toddlers, preschoolers and afterschool. And the research I've read shows that working moms are happier than stay at home moms, once their kids are in first grade or older.  But I do think Bennetts has left a significant component out of her equation, one that might lead us to a different conclusion: the well-being of young children.

Human infants are born remarkably unfinished, in what might be called their fourth trimester. Brain development proceeds at a rapid rate throughout infancy and even toddlerhood; in fact, most of the infant brain is developed after birth. All that brain circuitry is created in interaction with the environment, specifically adapted to the baby's environmental conditions.

That means that a baby who is cuddled and responsively cared for by a loved one 24 hours a day experiences the release of oxytocin and opioids, which not only feel good, but trigger anti-anxiety chemicals in his brain and quiet his amygdala. Neural pathways begin to form between the frontal cortex and the lower brain, giving him gradual control of his feelings.

Babies in less optimal circumstances not only don't experience the opioids, they're swamped with stress hormones like cortisol.  These babies adapt by developing hypervigilance and heightened aggression or fear impulses in the reptilian part of the brain. Neuroscientist Margot Sunderland says "They may not develop the neural pathways that allow us to manage stressful situations... Brain scans show that many violent adults are still driven, just like infants, by the ancient defense/attack responses...These brain scans show all too little activity in the parts of the higher brain that naturally regulate and modify raging feelings."

Which brings us to childcare. Babies and toddlers in daycare have been shown to have elevated cortisol levels compared to children cared for at home, and the levels go up as the hours in childcare increase.  Cortisol is a stress hormone; the same one that gets elevated when we drive in stressful traffic.  High cortisol levels make us more reactive and are associated with anxiety and depression throughout life.  Brain researchers like Sunderland now fear that the brain structure of babies and toddlers who spend a lot of time in group daycare is in danger of being permanently wired as over-reactive, anxious, and prone to depression. The epidemic levels of depression and anxiety in our teenagers and young adults certainly amplify this theory.

Adding kids' well-being to Bennetts' equation means women are in a trap we can't solve by choosing between working and staying home.  

So as much as I applaud Bennetts' service in bringing this situation to the public debate, her solution -- that all parents should work fulltime in demanding careers while their children grow up in daycare -- falls short.  It's time to think outside the box.  There are two obvious answers.

First is that we need to demand that the world of work become more family friendly, with a family allowance, excellent subsidized part-time child care/early childhood education, tax incentives for employers offering flextime schedules, paid family leave, job sharing, rewarding part-time work, and all the other options that European women have long used to better balance work and family.

Second, men and women need to share the childcare load.  Dr. Stanley Greenspan suggests the "4/3 Solution," in which "each parent works two-thirds time, leaving one-third of each parent's work time available for direct baby and child care." He calls for parents and future parents to "more carefully plan their careers and lifestyles so they can fit in the time and the attention that children need."  

Just think: babies get what they need, moms aren't penalized for having kids, dads get more intimate relationships with their children, society gets healthy children who grow into healthy citizens and therefore saves money on treating mental health problems.  Can't get more win-win than that!