The Case Against Ferber Sleep Training
for Your Baby
I'll admit up front that I'm biased against Ferberizing, or Ferbering, as it is sometimes called. As a psychologist, I follow the research, which I think convincingly proves that babies do better if they are held when they cry.
I understand how desperate a parent can be to get a child to sleep, and I have many good friends who have used the Ferber method with their babies. But I've found that there are kindler, gentler ways to teach babies to put themselves to sleep (see Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution).And with all due respect, Richard Ferber is trained in physical health, not mental health. He readily admits that he is not trained in infant psychology.
Most interesting, while his book is still out there circulating, Ferber apparently has a new book coming out, and now he's saying in interviews that he regrets some of the advice he gave before. He's been quoted as saying that he feels badly that child health professionals are encouraging parents to leave very young babies to cry, and that it's ok to co-sleep.
In case you're wondering, here's how Ferberizing works:
You let the baby cry for five minutes, then go in to reassure him verbally and by patting him. You don't pick him up. Then you leave, let him cry for another ten minutes, then go back to reassure him again. This time, you let him cry for fifteen minutes, then go back to reassure him. If the baby vomits, you clean him up (preferably without picking him up), but leave him in the crib and continue with the Ferberizing. Each time you leave, you wait longer to return.
With a very determined and resourceful baby, this crying can go on all night, but more usually the baby will become exhausted and fall asleep after a few hours. When he reawakens later in the night, the process is repeated. Often the next interval of crying is shorter, either because the baby has given up on the parent staying, or because he is exhausted. Sometimes it is longer, because the baby is re-energized (or an extremely determined person, who will someday accomplish great things by virtue of his strong will.) Usually, though, the crying diminishes on subsequent nights, as the baby learns not to expect the parent to stay with him.
While listening to their baby cry is hard on parents (not to mention the baby), most babies do eventually give up calling for their parents, and sleep. Because they do not yet talk, and live so completely in the moment, we do not hear from them the next morning how they felt about the experience.
However, even when parents are consistent, this approach does not work on all children. It is not uncommon for babies to get an ear infection in the middle of it (from the congestion caused by the crying); it is recommended that the Ferberizing be discontinued during the round of antibiotics that follows, to be re-initiated later. In addition, since any change in the routine (a brief illness, a trip to Grandma's) requires parents to respond to the baby's cries and then to repeat Ferberizing on another night, this process must be endured repeatedly by both baby and parents.
I'm not aware of any research that follows children over time to see if Ferberizing is a risk factor. However, a recent Harvard study shows that children who are left to cry themselves to sleep suffer long-lasting damage to their nervous system which makes them more susceptible in later life to anxiety disorders, including panic attacks.
We know that babies' heart rate and blood pressure soar during Ferbering, which causes the experience to be indelibly etched on the memory, much as any panic situation can evoke strong feelings years later. That the memory is sensory and preverbal just gives it more power, as it cannot be adequately processed.
One British research team that claims to have proven that repeated, sustained crying without adult reassurance actually causes babies' brains to develop less than optimally (see Margot Sunderland'sThe Science of Parenting). I don't know of other researchers who have replicated this work as of yet, but Sunderland's book is certainly well-researched.
There are also a growing number of critics who see Ferberizing as barbaric. Their position can be summarized as follows:
1. Richard Ferber is a pediatrician with no psychological training. While his approach works on some babies, it may not be simply "teaching them to sleep in their own beds”, as Ferber maintains. Other, less desirable lessons are unwittingly being taught.
2. Your baby is learning that you cannot be depended on, and in fact will regularly desert her when she needs you most; that she is powerless to have an impact on her world in the ways that most matter to her; and that her world is a cold and lonely place.
3. Finally, she learns by your coming back into the room to reassure her but not actually helping her that you really don't love her, and thus concludes that she is not, in the deepest dark of the night, really lovable. She may even conclude that you are intentionally tormenting her.
4. It is possible that these early lessons will underlie her sense of self and worldview for the rest of her life. Insomnia is rampant in our culture, and some Ferber critics argue that all those adults who can’t fall asleep without the TV on, or who wake up at night and can’t sleep, are Ferber casualties.
I should add that I've heard that there are families where the baby learns to fall asleep with a few minutes of crying and never needs to be retrained. In those cases, it seems a wonderful solution.
I should also acknowledge that I know many wonderful kids who were Ferbered as babies by their parents, who shall remain nameless because they are dear friends of mine. These kids all seem fine to me. So while I think Ferbering is a risk factor, it's hardly the worst the worst thing you can do to your kids. And sleep deprivation definitely makes you a worse parent.
But Ferbering is a risk factor, and an avoidable one, so if your child doesn't take to this within the first fifteen minutes of crying, it's important for you to know there are other, gentler methods, for teaching your baby to put herself to sleep. One example that I highly recommend is Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution, which is explained in more detail in Getting Your Baby to Sleep.
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Crying and Colic
Cherishing
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